Should I Put My Child in Day Care?
Sandra Lundberg
Jessica and Tim's first child, Timmy, is five weeks old. While
Jessica's been on maternity leave, she and Tim have discussed the idea
of her coming home from work to take care of the baby. But so far it
doesn't look like that will work financially. Jessica will have to go
back to her job while Timmy goes to day care.

But that's not really what Jessica wants. Every day after her husband
leaves for work, she cries while holding baby Timmy. It hurts just to
think about leaving her little boy in someone else's care.

She doesn't know exactly why she feels this way. Is it unnecessary
guilt? Hormones? Or has God wired her to want to raise her baby?

She knows friends who've placed their children in day care. Some of
them struggle with it; others seem perfectly content.

Jessica isn't keeping her inner conflict a secret from her husband,
but she isn't it's intensity with him, either. She feels she must deal
with this, get through it, and go back to work.

Are you wondering what to do about the question of day care? Are there
moral considerations involved, or is it strictly a matter of
preference? Here are some issues to think about.

1. Which choice gives your child the best caregivers? The most
important question about day care may be the influence other care
providers will have on your child.

Your little one needs to "attach" to consistent, loving adults. If you
use day care, it's best for your child's emotional well-being that
these caregivers be a regular part of your child's life for the first
three years. A changing parade of adults won't give your child a
stable connection when he or she is away from you.

With that much at stake, you need to evaluate the character and values
of alternative caregivers. This is often hard to do. It takes spending
time with the facility's administrator, observing the caregivers at
work, and talking with other parents.

2. Which choice allows you to be a good steward? The Bible says that
children are a blessing from God (Psalm 127:3-5). With blessings come
responsibilities.

Just as we're to be good managers of time and money, we're responsible
for the children God entrusts to us. That includes taking
responsibility for the care they receive - whether it's from you, a
family member, a day care facility, or a babysitter. Are you confident
that the caregivers you're considering will be good stewards of your
child?

3. Which choice lets you spend enough time with your child? It's been
said that the person who teaches your child to speak teaches your
child his or her value system. Whether or not that's true, it's clear
that the person who spends the most time with your child will have the
greater opportunity to influence his or her development.

A few decades ago, parents were told that they didn't need to spend a
lot of time with their kids as long as it was "quality time." That
turned out to be wrong. Children need quantity, too. This is one
reason why using day care is a difficult and scary decision for many
people; they know it's hard to make up for lost time in the few hours
before bed or before the day care day begins.

4. Which choice can you and your spouse agree on? Conflict can arise
between spouses on this issue - even as it arises between "working
moms" and "stay-at-home moms."

Talk with your spouse about your hopes and concerns regarding daycare.
In the case of Jessica and Tim, the two of them weren't on the same
page - even after visiting several highly recommended facilities.

Jessica still felt as if her heart were being torn apart. The night
before she was to return to work, Tim could tell she was in turmoil.
After she put Timmy to bed, Tim called out, "Jess, come here. Tell me
what's going on."

Jessica started to sob. "Oh, Tim, this is so hard! I'm trying to be
okay with this. But I don't even care about my career now that we have
Timmy. I might again one day, I suppose. But I just don't want to
leave him."

Tim sighed. "Honey, I'm so sorry. I know you're hurting. I don't want
this, either. I wish I made enough money that you could stay home. I
just don't see how it's possible right now."

"I know."

"Let's keep talking about it, with each other and with God. Give it a
month and let's see how we're doing."

"Okay."

A month later, both of them were struggling with having Timmy in day
care. They talked further, and soon shared the goal of bringing Jess
and Timmy home within six months. They started considering the pros
and cons of selling their second car. As they brainstormed
possibilities, they both felt better because they had a goal - and
soon might have a plan.

You and your spouse are the ones who'll have to decide prayerfully
whether one of you can leave a job in order to stay home with a child.
Your decision may change as circumstances do. For example, some women
who return to outside-the-home careers after a first child don't go
back to work after their second.

It's not possible for some families, including many single-parent
households, to have a parent stay home to care for a child. If you
determine that your family falls into this category, decide whether
your child will be with a family member, in an in-home care placement,
or in a day care facility. Many parents feel that having their child
with a family member is the next best thing to having the child with
Mom or Dad. Other parents don't have this option, and must choose a
day care facility.

So how do you assess such a facility?

1. Security. Many facilities now have systems requiring parents to
type in a code in order to come in and pick up or drop off a child. At
the least, doors should be kept locked and visitors monitored.

The center or in-home care provider needs to have a policy on who can
pick up each child. An up-to-date authorization list should include
first and last names, addresses, and phone numbers of people approved
by you. The care provider also needs to know that whoever is picking
up your child has a safe way of transporting him or her.

2. Staff. How experienced are the workers in providing care? How do
they seem to interact with the children? What's the center's ratio of
adults to kids? In the U.S., states have different requirements
regarding the number of staff caring for children of particular ages.

If in the U.S., does the center require staff background checks from
both local police and the FBI? If it doesn't, you should keep looking.

3. Policies and procedures. Look at the facility itself. Is it clean?
Are there enough age-appropriate toys for the children? Are toys
disinfected at night? How do workers take care of diapering? Diapers
must be changed in a location that's separate from the food
preparation area.

What does the center do with a sick child? Is that policy consistently
enforced? How are you informed if your child has been exposed to an
illness? What are the emergency procedures in case of an accident,
illness, fire, natural disaster, or attack?

What are the policies regarding discipline of children?

Getting all your questions answered takes time and tenacity. But it's
the only way to make an informed choice.

No matter what you decide, always let your child know that you love
him or her. If you choose day care, make sure your child knows that
being away from him or her is not what you want, but that you aren't
able to do otherwise right now.

Spend as much time as you can with our child. Let the dust and the
laundry pile up if necessary. Your child will be young for only a
short while. You'll never get these days back; do what you can to make
sure you don't miss them.